I'm sitting on my sofa completely unmotivated to do my reading for tomorrow and hung over as shit. As such, I figured my pilot contribution to this blog is dedicated to people who claim they don't get hung over.
Dear People Who Don't Get Hungover,
Please kindly eff off. Stop rubbing it in that I am sitting here feeling like ass while you are totally free to get wasted whenever the hell you want without consequences the next morning (other than that raging case of herpes you got from blowing that dude with dreadlocks). Do you go up to people in wheelchairs and say "dude, that seriously sucks, I never get paralyzed from the waste down in freak Irish Rhythmic Dance Competition accidents." I don't think so, and if you do, then eff off double.
Also, don't ask me asinine questions like "what does being hung over feel like?" There is no difference between that and bragging about not getting hungover. You really wanna know what it feels like? Come over and let me sit on your head for a few minutes.
Finally, I don't fucking believe you for a second. I think you do get hung over but just like to pretend like you're a bad ass and can handle your liquor better than I can. If you really aren't hung over it just means you're a giant pansy ass who quits after one Smirnoff Ice and pretends to be drunk. Eat Me
Love Always, Caleb
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