Today I went to the gym, directly followed by a stop at the fancy ass overly priced organic market by the bart station in Glen Park. As such, today's bitching out is dedicated to Canyon Market.

Dear Canyon Market,

Kindly go eff yourself. Seriously, you are most worthless grocery store ever. You are huge, and yet still manage to not really have anything. Coffee Creamer? No. Chicken Nuggets? Only fake soy knock offs. Wine? Only of the over $10 a bottle variety (hey, I'm only playing lawyer right now, I can't afford that shit yet). Lettuce (which is the entire reason I went to the grocery store in the first place because I need my dinner salad to maintain my regulatory) yes, but for three times what it costs at Safeway. Seriously, what is the overcharge for? Do you need to freshly import your smug air from Europe? Do checkers who don't wear deodorant charge for their BO? Honestly, a fucking avocado should never cost $2.50. If there were a Safeway or Trader Joe's within walking distance, you people would be out of business in a heart beat.

Finally, holy shit you fuckers are diabolical. Most grocery and convenience stores keep magazines, soda and gum near their check out lines to attract impulse buyers. You? CHEESE! Seriously, it's like you designed your entire store around thwarting my self restraint. ESPECIALLY when I am really hungry because I just got done blasting my pecs. Fuck you. Because of you, a trip to the store for a head of lettuce resulted in $25 dollars in cheese purchases. Sure, you can claim you are doing me a service by offering humbolt fog and goat gouda which cheaper less obnoxious stores do not offer, but you are not fooling me. I am heretofore boycotting your institution...until I need more lettuce.

Love always,
Caleb